Bittersweet Romance
by jessib91
Summary: Millie and Max begin a relationship. But what happens when Millie finds out why Max is so guarded and unfeeling. She also finds out a deep dark secret that could ruin everything. Will she take him back or will she run?
1. The operation

Disclaimer: I dont own Max no matter how hard i try! Nor do i own the Bill! *sob* *sob*

This is in Millies Point of view

* * *

I walked through the double doors as Max was leaving. He stopped and spoke to me.

"Millie, we need some extra bodies upstairs there is a big job about to come off." He said.

"Sir, I need a few minutes to get changed though." I replied.

"No it doesn't matter what you're wearing just go straight up." He replied before stalking out of the doors. I took my bag to my locker. I threw my car key into my locker and slammed the door, putting my key into my pocket before sitting down onto the bench near my locker. I put my head in my hands. I exhaled a deep sigh. I began thinking. Thinking about Max. _He drives me crazy in more ways than one. Why does he have to do this to me? Every time I see him I either want to slap him or kiss him. I mean I don't even know much about him as he is shady about his life, no one knows if he has a partner..... a wife I used to hope that maybe he liked me more than a colleague. But I don't think that it's possible for him to love. He is the most brash, insensitive, self-confident man I have ever met and I think, no I don't think... I know that I love him. _I stood up and made my way upstairs to CID. I was met by Banksy.

"Millie, A/DI Carter said that you were coming. Nate, Leon, Roger, and the CID are just about to have a briefing so you're just in time." Banksy said as he was passing me on the stairs. I nodded and carried on up the stairs and into the main work area of CID. Superintendent Meadows, Inspector Smith and DI Manson were standing at the front beside the whiteboards talking amongst themselves. Grace, Terry and Stevie were sitting at their respective desks. Leon, Nate and Mel were standing with Mickey talking amongst themselves. I joined them. Max and Banksy waltzed through the door.

The three top brass carried out the briefing but to summarise it. There is a massive shipment of drugs due in 3hours. The importers are well known to the police as Louise and Ron Summers. We've been investigating a while and have someone undercover. In all the times we have tried to catch them we haven't. Now we have a very good chance of getting them. Max came over and spoke to me "Mills, your with me. You er.... you know the person who is on the inside. So we need you with us as we will be talking to her. You have a good rapport with her."

"Max who is it?" I asked.

"It's Mel." He replied after some hesitation.

"Mel? I thought she was on leave."

"It's all been on the down low. We couldn't let anyone know. We think there's been someone giving them tips. Cause they couldn't evade us any other way. The undercover operation was kept under wraps the only people that knew about it was Jack, Smithy, Neil and I."

I nodded and we walked out of CID towards the unmarked car. It was then I noticed that Leon, Nate and Smithy were dressed for Jogging. The police force just gets more and more cunning.

We arrived at the scene and we remained in our car looking out to the river. We could see Smithy, Leon and Nate stretching. I creased up with laughter and for once Max let himself go and creased to.

I saw Smithy glance at us. He looked proper pissed. Which only made us crease more. Grace and Banksy were sitting by the river snuggled into each other like a proper couple quite a way to the side of us and the rest of the people were hidden. We were warned by Grace that there were suspects approaching. Max turned to me.

"Kiss me." He asked.

"Is this a joke?" I laughed.

"No! Kiss me quick." He smiled.

I moved towards him as he did me and our lips touched in the middle. Our lips were slightly parted as they began moving in sync. He pulled away and moved back forward slowly as if asking me whether I was sure or not. He kissed me passionately as I ran my fingers through his sandy coloured hair. He put his hands at either side of my face and kissed me harder more passionately. Until we heard that the suspects had passed us. We parted lips and moved away. I could still feel his lips on mine as they tingled. We sat in silence until we saw Mel walk past. She walked around to my side of the car and said 4 words to us. "They have 6 guns." Before walking away. I looked at Max, who pulled out his phone and rung Jack who made sure that C0-19 would be on stand-by. Max looked at me.

"Mills, this is going to be hard and dangerous and if I don't say this now and anything happens I may never get to say it."

"Shut up Max. Nothing is going to happen."

"Mills, you're ruining the moment. Let me say this. Please."

"Okay."

"Mills, you are the most stubborn person I know. But every time you walk into a room you brighten it. Your smile gives me strength and makes me happy. I know I shouldn't feel this way because at the end of the day I'm your superior but I can't help feeling this way. When the operation is over would you be willing to go to dinner and maybe try to give us ago?"

I didn't need to say anything. I took the hand that he had on the steering wheel and twined my fingers with his. He looked at me and flashed me a smile which I reciprocated. We returned to our duties.


	2. The calm before the storm

Disclaimer: I still dont own Max nor do i own the bill!!

This in Millies point of view

* * *

We managed to catch and charge Ron and Louise Summers. Mel is okay and being debriefed by the super, inspector and DI. Max was sitting at his desk about to do some paperwork. Everyone else was away home. I approached Max and smiled.

"So where's this dinner you promised me." I asked with a smirk.

"I erm.... I'm sorry Mills. I just have so much to do. I really want to take you somewhere. Can we arrange something for tomorrow night?" He said sadly.

"That's ok Max. I understand. Good night." I replied.

"Good night Mills."

He had promised me dinner. And he wasn't getting out of it that easily. I had a plan. If Mohamed will not go to the mountain then the mountain must come to Mohamed. I went to the nearest pizza shop and ordered a large margarita pizza. I paid for it and waited for it to cook. I got into my car and drove to a Tesco Express, I bought a bottle of white, a bottle of rose and a bottle of red wine. Before making my way back to Sun Hill. Mel's car had gone along with the super's, the inspector's and the DI's. There was one lone car in the car park and that was my workaholic Max. I entered the building and made my way to the canteen where I picked two clear plastic cups from the kitchen. I made my way up to CID with the bottles, the cups and the Pizza. I walked into the massive office room and saw Max sitting at his desk. He looked up to see who had come in. He saw me and he smiled.

"What are you doing back here?" he asked.

"Well I figured if Mohamed won't go to the mountain, then the mountain must come to Mohamed. Or should I say Max."

He laughed, smiling. He stood up and kissed me dead on the lips. I plopped the pizza onto the desk. I put the bag with the wine in on his desk to along with the cups.

"That smells nice. I'm absolutely starving." He said as he rubbed his tummy.

"I didn't know which wine you liked so I got one of each colour."

"I'm not picky open the one you want." He replied. I opened the white but I settled for one glass as I was driving. He had the rest of the bottle. We ate the Pizza whilst we talked about each other and he did some paperwork. The next thing we knew it was 4 hours later. I managed to talk him into finishing off and offered him a lift home. Which he politely refused saying that he would get a taxi.

I waited with him till his taxi arrived, he thanked me for the pizza and wine, before driving myself home. I had a middle shift tomorrow and so did Max. I decided I would call him in the morning.


	3. The phone Call

Disclaimer: Nope i still dont own him. Nor do i own the Bill. I only wish i did.

This is Max's point of view. Its just a short Chapter though.

* * *

I picked my phone up stared at her name on the screen. i finally decided to ring Millie. I felt a feeling of vulnerability I hoped she hadnt changed her mind about us overnight. She answered on the second ring.

"Hi Millie, it's me Max."

"Hey, i was just about to call you. How are you today?" She asked.

"I'm great thanks. I was wondering if you wanted to go for a drink tonight."

"Yeah sure. How about we go somewhere away from Canley. Go somewhere else."

"PC Brown are you ashamed of me?"

"No but I would prefer people didn't know. That way they won't accuse me of trying to further my career with extra study sessions with the DI. Even if it is only Acting DI."

"I'll pick you up from yours at say 7."

"Yeah, sounds great. I'll see you at work later on though."

"Yeah. Bye."

"Bye."


	4. The revelation

**Disclaimer: **I own NOTHING except Aleksandra

* * *

**Millie's Point of View**

* * *

4 MONTHS LATER

Max and I have been together for 4 months now. Stealing glances from across the room, car park and corridors. Stealing private moments together. He always came over to my place but never stayed over, and for some reason I felt uneasy about this. But I put it to the back of my mind because I was blissfully happy.

Myself and Mel had just arrested a guy from the Polish community, he couldn't understand what we were saying and all he kept saying was _Polska. _So we walked him from the car and through the cages into the back desk, to book him in. I spotted a woman and a man both dressed in police uniform. I didn't recognise them so I guessed they were from Barton Street. The woman was well groomed her long blonde hair scraped into a bun. She had beautiful, but cold blue eyes. She was lightly tanned, big breasts and might I just say absolutely stunning. I smiled at her and she smiled back but the smile didn't quite touch her eyes which remained ice cold. She looked happy, but looking at her smile I saw someone who felt alone in this world. She noticed we were having difficulty with the prisoner so she approached us.

"Would you like some help?"

"We'd love some but we need someone who can speak Polish." I said to her "Hold on doesn't DS Carter speak Polish." Before Mel could answer the woman started speaking.

"Cześć, nazywam się Aleksandra, wiem, że można mówić po angielsku, to łatwo zrobić samemu i zacząć mówić w języku angielskim" She said to him in a chilling manner.

"Dobrze Aleksandra będziesz musiał mówić ze mną wywiad w języku polskim. Nie mam zamiaru, aby ułatwić jej dla nikogo, nie mówiąc już o sobie." He replied to her it seemed to make her angry.

"Nie mów do mnie tak po prostu. I nie ma cierpliwości do idiotów jak ty. Będziesz mówił do nich w języku angielskim i będzie inaczej upewnij się, że cierpi. ci do niczego kawałek śmieci." She kept her voice level but you could tell there was threat in the tone.

"Who do you think you are!" he shouted at her. She smirked as he realised what he had done.

"There you go girls. He can speak English. They do it a lot over at Barton Street." She smiled and still it didn't reach her eyes. She looked unhappy, lonely and like she had been through some sort of unbearable pain that she was struggling to cope with. "My name is Aleksandra."

"Hi I'm Millie and this is Mel."

"Hello. I heard you mention DS Carter you wouldn't happen to know where he is would you?" Asked Aleksandra, I smiled and shook head along with Mel. I then happened looked towards the door and I saw him coming down the corridor. "Actually he is just behind you." I told Aleksandra. Who then proceeded to turn around.

Max had a look of surprise on his face. He came in and he began talking to the woman.

* * *

**Alexsandra's point of view**

* * *

I looked at Max as he walked down the corridor he looked shocked to see me.

"Aleks, what are you doing here." He said, I notice he glanced at the ginger girl.

"I brought your suspect over for the identification." I replied.

The ginger girl, who was quite pretty with her pale skin, came over to us.

"How do you know each other then?" Millie asked.

I looked at him he had that stony face that meant he didn't want me to go on. Obviously he hadn't mentioned anything about his personal life and heartache. And I could tell he didn't want them to know. But I haven't been happy for a long time; the pain we have been through together has been unbearable. And I hated how he hadn't referred to us, forgotten us.

"I'm Aleksandra Carter, his wife." I replied.

He looked at Millie and I could see it. He had feelings for this woman. He doesn't look at me like that anymore. We haven't had sex for 2 years now. Ever since Max Junior died, our love has died to, I knew this was coming but it hit me like 10 daggers stabbing and slashing into my heart. I didn't think it would hurt this much, but he was the father of my child, my dead child and he was my first love. They say you never forget them when it's over. We've both been lying to ourselves. Making each other miserable. The walls were crumbling, the roof was collapsing, the fences corroding and the garden dying, just like us.

I only had to look at those eyes. I couldn't deny my feelings for him. Don't get me wrong I love Max with all of my heart, I'm just not **IN** love with him. There was no denying it anymore. I thought maybe we might be able to return to what we were before Max Junior but as the weeks and months went by I realised that we weren't going to. We were different people now. I was a different person now. Stronger but lonely, fierce but sad, Someone else but myself. The other girl is dead and buried. I buried her with Max Junior. Weak but together, Soft but happy, myself and no one else. Max and are together but alone in this relationship. Living separate lives. He deserves Millie, he deserves someone who could make him happy and I deserve the same. It was time to let him go. He didn't know I was going to save him from having to hurt me. I just hope she can make him happy. I don't think it's possible for me to love or be happy again. My cancer has spread and is moving like wildfire. Doctors have given me 7 months. If Millie and Max can be together and by setting him free and not telling him about the cancer that began following my miscarriage with the child I was carrying as a result of the only time we had sex following Max Junior's funeral, I will die a very happy woman. And for me that's all that matters. I made a decision I was going to set him free tonight start divorce proceedings and fly out to Poland to stay with my Mama and Papa. I turned to speak to Max to tell him I needed to talk with him it home, when I became light headed and dizzy. A wave of nausea came over me and I felt myself going as I wobbled and felt myself falling..........falling out of consciousness and falling to the floor.


	5. The long goodbye

Disclaimer: No matter how hard i wish i own Max i am gutted that i dont. I dont own the bill. The only one i own is Aleks.

This is a sad chapter. i cried writing it -dont know if thats because i am a softie!!

* * *

**Max's point of view**

* * *

I got into the back of the ambulance with my wife. I saw the pain in Millie's face. I just felt like a complete twat. It's easy to forget you already have someone, especially when you live separate lives. I sat thinking about the way I have hurt Millie. I just wish that I had opened up to her. I was brought from my trance when we arrived at the hospital. They went to do tests on Aleks and I waited for them to come back with any news.

"Mr Carter?" The young doctor asked, I nodded "we believe your wife's cancer has spread to her head. The pressure of the tumour caused her to black out. We can operate to remove the tumour, obviously that comes with its risks."

"Wait what do you mean it has spread?"

"Your wife currently has cancer of the Cervix, bowl and breast; unfortunately it has now made its way to the brain. As I was saying we can operate but there are risks, however not doing anything now will mean that she could remain in her coma. The decision is yours Mr Carter. I will leave a consent form and I will be back in 10 minutes and you can tell me what you have decided." He said he walked towards the door.

"That won't be necessary. Screw the risks. Do it." I replied quickly.

* * *

**Aleksandra's point of view**

**Quite a few hours later**

* * *

I felt groggy but I didn't know why. I remember feeling faint but thats about it. I could feel pressure in my arms and mananged to open my eyes and see the needles in my arms. I saw the man who was reading a file from work sitting in the chair near my bed. I moved me head slightly and forced my self to say his name.

"Max."

He looked up and grabbed my hand.

"I'm here Aleks, everythings ok. Its all going to be okay." He said as if trying to convince not only me himself.

"Max it isn't."

"Yes it is. We just have to concentrate on getting you better and well."

"No Max. I am not going to get better, I'm not going to be well again. But I am going to be ok only not in the sense you mean. Max, I'm 27 and my body is failing me and I cant do anything to stop it. I thought I had plenty of time. But thinking in the face of certain death, I have nothing to leave behind.....no legacy, no nothing. And I want to set you free. I want you to be with her. That girl at the station. I want you to walk away from me and never look back. I want you to be happy and knowing that you are happy with her makes me happy. I will be ok Max. I want to spend time with my mama and papa in Poland and I want to start divorce proceedings. I have a will saying that you get to keep the house and my money. I need to set you free. And I need to set myself free and spending the rest of my life in my home is my last wish, my home in Poland as a single girl with no worries knowing that the one person I ever felt for is happy. I want you to leave Max." I said as he began to voice his concerns to me. I cut him off. "Max I don't want you here. I don't want you to watch me die. Sort things out with her before I die Max. She loves you and I can see you love her. I only wish we felt the same way about each other but we don't. We will never be the same. I guess I've been living in the past and now I have to look at the future I have and embrace whats left of it. You have a long time ahead of you. Don't end up like me with nothing to leave behind. Make a future with her. Goodbye Max."

He leant down and kissed my forhead

"Aleks, I will always love you.

"I know. Kocham cię"

"Be safe. Goodbye." He smiled a tear running down his cheek. He turned and left the room. I exhaled deeply. I couldn't help but smile. I hopefully had made two people very very happy. And I had set him free. But I cried. I cried for the past. I cried for more life. I cried for myself. feeling drowsy i shut my eyes. I felt the life start to drain from me. My longing to return to my home.....to my parents.........to all of my memories was insignificant to that of returning to my son. I opened my eyes and buzzed for the nurse.

"How can i help you sweetie" asked the nurse who looked no younger than me, and i wished she knew how lucky she was. she had been given the gift of life. although i couldnt help but wonder how much longer than me she'd get..... another 50 years........another 60 years. And i wished i had her body. i wished i had time to make my life more meaningful.

"Can i have some paper and a pen?"

"Sure. Honey." she replied before coming back with them. she helped me sit up so i could write what i wanted on the paper and left me alone to ponder my thoughts. I wrote three letters and signed them with my name. I buzzed back the nurse and asked her for 3 envelopes and she returned with them. I wrote a name on each envelope and sealed them and wrote 'to be dispatched during the reading of my Will. i left instructions for the final one as that would be dispatched differently. I asked the nurse to put them with my belongings in a sealed envelope addressed to my soliciter. She lay me back down and i closed my eyes. i was ready........ i was ready to embrace my future with my son. i asked God to take me now. i asked God to help my parents and Max. I asked God to help me embrace my fear of death. I asked God to forgive all of my sins and most of all i asked God to love my family and stay with them as they grieve for me. I asked him to let them know i will never be gone. that i am only a hands reach away from them and i will hold there hands as they grieve. love them for all of eternity. I felt my life slip away from me. And my last thought was 'thank you for giving me the gift of life even though its been bad at times. i have never lost faith. just make sure my family and Max dont eith. because they need you now more than ever.'

"I'm ready God." I spoke my last words, shead my last tear and breathed my last breath.............


	6. Hurt

Disclaimer: Dont own nothing. Dont own the bill.

* * *

**Max's point of view.**

* * *

I love my wife. I am just not** IN** love with her. She used to be my world.....my centre......and my being. When Max Junior died there was nothing keeping us together. No common ground. So I worked more....she worked more. Until we barely saw each other. My son dying was my fault and Aleks nearly dying was my fault to. I killed two men in my CO-19 years, the first man's family wanted their revenge. They shot my wife and then shot my son dead. She blamed herself for not being able to stop them. I blamed myself because none of it would have happened had I not reacted on impulse and shot the man and also Aleks had said that she felt people were following her. I dismissed it and told her she was being paranoid. After it all happened I couldn't look her in the eye. I couldn't bare to be in the same room as her, because the guilt overpowered me. And I believed she deserved someone better than me. We never spoke at home and barely spoke at work, even barely speaking was too much so I transferred to another nick as a relatively normal DS. When I walked into a room she would walk out and vice versa. I wanted her to be happy. But then I find out she's dying. She hasn't had much of a life. She hasn't been my wife for a long time, but my best friend. We've been living a life together but apart. She had said the words we've both been meaning to say for a while. It didn't feel great. But it felt good to be free. Free to be with Millie. I truly believed her when she said she would be happy if I was. She truly is a selfless person. So kind, gentle, caring. Typical Aleks. She's admirable and she fights for what she believes. she's a good person, kind at heart and she doesn't realise how happy she makes people. She thinks the sacrifices she makes are the small when they are big. She refuses to be given credit and I always loved her for that. Her faith is strong. I only wish mine was was as strong. She could embrace anything. I couldn't work out why her life was being taken from her when I thought about all of her acts of kindness I realised that God must need her. He must need another angel.

I really had hurt Millie and I wish I could make everything better. But she wasn't going to make this easy. She's stubborn as hell. But I love her. I need her. She makes me happy. Makes me feel invincible. She brightens my day jsut by smiling. Her eyes see something more than a grumpy, arrogant, brash DS. She loves me for me. I wish I had been honest or waited to maybe split from Aleks. All I knew was that I needed to try. I had to try to win her back. Win her affections back. Earn her trust and show her how I really fell. Even if it means facing my demons. She makes me feel that I can beat all of the demons when I am with her. I have to explain why I did what I did. I need her to let me. And I need to let her in. I saw her getting out of a taxi. Sunglasses on, I wondered why when it wasn't even sunny. She walked through the front doors and I approached her. She looked away trying to ignore me so I tried my luck. I approached her......

* * *

**Millie's Point of view**

* * *

I finished my shift at Sun Hill. I went from being blissfully happy to an almost blubbering wreck. How could Max lie to me. I thought he loved me. I thought he cared. He hurt me. He said he'd never hurt me. Why would he want me when he had her? She was beautiful and his wife. I was his bit on the side. I really fell for him. Was he laughing at me when he went home? I wanted to stop my inner ramblings so I turned on the radio. I heard Alanis Morisette singing her hit ironic. I turned it up. Anything to block these thoughts out. And then I heard those words "It's like meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife." I laughed at those words I never knew they'd be so true to me. I couldn't take it anymore after that and I started sobbing I pressed the button that played my CD. "All this time you were pretending so much for my happy ending." I'd forgotten I'd left that song halfway through as I got out of the car for work this morning. Damn Avril. Why do you have to fail me now? I turned off the radio. Pulled my car over and cried my eyes out. He'd promised me that he would never hurt me. But it was like he'd just killed me. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I just wanted to go home and make the pain go away. I pulled into the Tesco Express near my home and bought a bottle of Vodka. I made my way home. I stopped the car outside my lonely flat and let myself in. Any other day Max would have been there waiting for me. But obviously he was with his wife. I let myself into my flat, not even bothering to turn any lights on. I entered the kitchen and put the bottle onto the bench. I thought about getting a glass, but as it was dark I thought better than smashing anything. I unscrewed the top and took a swig from the bottle. My mobile rang from my jeans pocket. I pulled it out and saw that it was Max. I pressed reject and took another swig. My phone jingled to say I had a voice mail message. It rang again and it was Max. I rejected the phone all and it jingled to say there was a voicemail message. This carried on for 5 continuous minutes. Before I turned my phone off and made my way to my bedroom. I put on the telly and guess what was on...... pretty woman. Why did everything seem to taunt me? Love was everywhere and Max obviously didn't love me. I turned the telly off and lay down on my bed, sipping the vodka from the bottle until I got to the bottom. I curled up under the quilt and cried myself to sleep. My pillow was soaking with the water from my tears. My alarm went off for my middle shift. I could barely open my eyes and my head was pounding. I staggered over to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I looked in the mirror and couldn't believe the stranger that was standing before me..... she had puffy red eyes, black lines stretching from her eyes and down her cheeks, a face even paler than normal, there were bags under her eyes. It was then that I realised the stranger looking back was me. I looked a mess and I had to face him today. I got myself dressed and threw in loads of concealer to cover the mess that was my face. I tied my hair back and ordered a taxi before I began got ready. After what I'd drunk last night I didn't want to risk driving to work. I got myself ready, grabbed my phone and my bag. The taxi tooted so I grabbed a nutri-grain, sunglasses and some paracetamol's.

I left the house got into the taxi and closed my eyes to rest them. I was tired, in pain and dreading bumping into Max this morning. I got out of the taxi at the main entrance and entered the station. I immediately bumped into Max.

"Millie, we need to talk."

"No we don't. I get it. You're married. I was just your bit on the side. You're bit of fun. But no more will I be at your beck and call. Leave me alone Max." She said as she began to walk away.

"Millie. Please...." He said as she turned on her heel and lashed out at him.

"Please what. Let us carry on the way we were. Cheating. You are clearly mistaken about me. I will not be the other woman and I will not put up with you lying to me. God, Max yesterday morning I was blissfully happy. I convinced myself that maybe you love me. Even though you haven't said it before. I guess I was wrong. Otherwise you wouldn't have hurt me or lied." She scolded him.

"But Mills, I do love you." He said almost begging her

"Save it for your wife. And don't you dare call me Mills, you lost that right when your lies came out. Go back to your wife Max." She said as she left him standing. He was speechless.


	7. Forgiveness?

Disclaimer: I still dont own anything. I havent stopped trying though!

Another saddish chapter!

* * *

**Millie's point of view**

* * *

After that tirade of abuse aimed at Max, I stormed into the locker room. I put my head in my hands and pulled my phone from my pocket I turned it back on and it flashed saying there was 10 voicemail messages and 15 text messages. I decided I would listen to the voicemails to see what he had to say. I rang my voice mail and listened to the first one.

_Millie, I don't know what I expected would be the outcome of ringing you. I guess......I guess I thought that you might want to........that you might hear me out. But I don't know why I thought that. I......I don't know what to say Millie. I don't know how I can get you to forgive me or get you to speak to me so that I can tell you why I need you to forgive me. Aleks and I are getting a divorce Millie. We might as well have been divorced 2 years ago. Millie, I need to speak with you. I do love you, I hope you know that and I am not giving up on US! _

Max hung up I listened to the second one.

_Mills, please. I need you, I love you, please forgive me, it's you I want._

The line went dead. I listened to the third one.

_Mills, please let me talk to you. Let me explain. I know that I don't deserve it but please give me another chance. Please. Millie, I am absolutely nothing without you. You make me feel outgoing, strong, loved, happy, together. When I'm with you I can actually smile and forget everything. I can face the world.......I can face anything because I know I'll be coming home to the woman I love, and that woman is you. You are the love of my life and I can't bear to lose you so please just let me explain. We can be good together. Mills, don't give up on us. I'll fight for you and I'll fight for US!_

That was it I couldn't take anymore of his begging. I hung up, opened my locker and put on my uniform. DI Manson was on leave so that he could spend time with his son, so Max was Acting DI at the moment and had his own office. I stormed out of the locker room, completely ignoring Mel, Roger and Nate. I walked straight past them and up the stairs to CID. I got to Max's office, grabbed the door handle and stormed in. I saw him with his head down on the desk. So I slammed the door shut to get his attention. He looked up and there were tears in his eyes.

* * *

**10 minutes earlier**

**Max's point of view**

* * *

I was sitting in my office thinking of things to say to Millie if she would hear me out. When the phone rang, I hoped it might be Millie so I hurriedly answered it.

"Hello, Acting DI Carter speaking."

"Guv, Its PC Gayle."

"Ah, Ben what can I do for you?"

"Sir, I have a phone call for you at the front desk, I can patch it through to you."

"Okay. Thanks Ben."

There was a ringing sound on the phone. And then I was patched through.

"Hello, Acting DI Carter speaking"

"Max, it's Isabela." the other person answered. It was Aleksandra's mother.

"Isabela, how is Aleksandra, she told me to stay away. I've tried ringing the hospital but they won't tell me anything."

"She didn't want you to know just yet but I feel that it is only right to warn you. Aleksandra died last night Max. She had a brain haemorrhage. Apparently it was complications from the surgery. She asked the nurse not to ring you but to ring me if anything happened to her. We are flying her body into Poland. And would like to see you present at the funeral." Alek's mother said matter of factly, emotion hit me as i realised she had never got to fulfill her last wish of dying at home.

"Isabela, I don't know if that's a good idea. She told me she didn't want to see me."

"Aleksandra told the nurse that she wanted you there. I know she was going to divorce you Max. I know about this Millie. She asked the nurse to update me about everything. And not only do you have her blessing but you both have mine. I want whatever my daughter wanted. Please come Max." she begged her emotions slipping.

"I'll be there, when will it be?"

"2 weeks tomorrow."

"I'm going to get time off now and then book a flight in and a flight out."

"See you soon and be safe" she sobbed.

"Be safe Isabela"

She hung up and I slowly put the phone down. The world had lost a good woman and I had lost a best friend. I lay my head on the desk as I began to shed some tears. Aleks wasn't my wife she was my friend.....my best friend. 27 years old and she is gone forever. I had to sort things out with Millie. Life is just too short for us to argue. I heard someone open the door. I felt that person's eyes bore into me and then the door slammed. I looked up and saw Millie. I felt like a pathetic mess.

I saw concern in her eyes and I tried to smile. But she knew something was up. I had hoped she hadn't realised as having to explain Aleks had died wasn't going to bode well for us.

"Max, what's wrong?" she asked the dreaded question.

"Look Millie, let me explain first. Please?" i begged

"Okay, go ahead." i felt relief as she said she would hear me out and my words began to fail me. i decide the only way to get around this was to start from the beginning...... the very beginning.

"Aleks and I met in Poland when she was 16 and I was 24. We lived next door to each other. We got together when she was 19. We married when she was 21. She then fell pregnant with Max Junior just after the honeymoon. He was 4 years old when he died. The first man I ever killed had a family that were ruthless and wanted their revenge, Aleks had convinced herself she was being followed; I dismissed it and told her she was being unreasonable. They shot at her and wounded her, she couldn't stop them shooting Max Junior as she was unconscious when they shot him dead." i admitted

"Oh my God Max. I didn't realise." she seemed genuinly sorry for me. but i didnt want her to.

"When they shot her she was pregnant. She lost the baby as a result of the trauma. We both blamed ourselves, still do. Stopped speaking to each other, grew apart. We've just been sharing the same empty house for the past 2 years. We slept in different rooms, couldn't look into each other's eyes. And then I met you. And you changed everything for me Mills. I just wish I had split from her before I pursued you. I made a big mistake by not telling you the truth. And I am so sorry about it."

"So how is she?" she asked me that dreaded question again.

"Please be open minded Millie."

"What are you trying to say Max?"

"She collapsed due to a brain tumour."

"Oh Max. What happened?"

"Doctor told me she was terminal. It was already in the cervix, bowel and breast. They asked me whether I would like them to operate even though there are risks. I said yes. They operated and she was in recovery, they said the operation went well. When she came around we spoke to each other and she told me that I love you. She saw the way I looked at you yesterday. She asked me for a divorce, told me exactly what we've both been thinking for the past 2 years and that was it. She was going to Poland to spend the seven months she had left with her Mum and Dad. She told me she wanted us to be together."

"Max, you still haven't answered my question."

"She died last night. She had a brain haemorrhage as a result of the surgery."

"Oh Max I'm so sorry. When did you find out?"

"About 10 minutes ago. Her mum called me."

"I thought you would be her next of kin."

"She changed it to her Mum. Turns out she knew I was in love with someone else and didn't want to be a burden. She knew long before yesterday. She was going to tell me before she collapsed. That's why she switched places with the other copper that was supposed to be dropping that suspect off."

"Max, You still lied to me. You still made me your bit on the side."

"Millie please I need you."

"How can I trust you Max? You've lied to me before. How can I know for sure that she said the exact things you are repeating to me now? How will I ever know that I was your first choice? How can you prove to me that the reason you want me is because she's dead?"

"I don't know Millie. How can I?"

"I haven't got an answer for that either. Its over max. And anyway, it's too late. I am sorry to hear of her death and i do genuinley feel for you max but it still doesnt change anything. I'm sorry."


	8. Aftershock

Disclaimer: Still trying my hardest to own Max and The Bill. So far it isnt going to well. Must try harder!

This chapter is a little boring but it is all building up to the bigger picture so bare with me

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Millie's point of view

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**I walked out of the room. It took one hell of a lot of strength to walk away from him. I could see his pain. I thought that this was the end of us. I thought I could do this. Every step away from him took more and more strength from me until I got to the point where I wanted to do nothing but curl up into a ball on the floor and bawl my eyes out. The inspector came out the super's office. He looked rushed. He saw me outside of Max's office.

"Millie, get Carter. Tell him he is needed in CID. You come with him. You're good in these situations."

"Yes Sir."

I knocked on Max's door.

"Enter"

"Max, you're needed in CID. The inspector just told me."

He began to follow me to the CID office.

"Millie, where are you going?" he asked.

"Inspector Smith asked me to come along." I replied.

We carried on walking and turned the corner. Max walked towards the front of the room. I heard him ask smithy what was going on. Smithy whispered to Max. I could just see Max nodding. The super walked through the doors and called everyone to order.

"At 3.20 this afternoon a 16 year old girl was abducted at gunpoint from her school Canley Comp. Her name is Lucey Stubbs. No one knows why she was kidnapped and I am making it our mission to find out why and get her back. Smithy and Stevie I want you to interview her teachers, Grace and Terry your task is to interview her peers, Max I want you to speak with the parents and I want you to take Millie with you. Jo, can you call a meeting with uniform and get someone to get me the CCTV from and around the scene I also need door to door enquiries done. I will be heading the investigation internally, Max you are the port of call externally. So has everyone got that?"

"Guv" everyone replied in perfect synchronisation.

"Max, Millie, her home address is 3 Queens Gardens, Canley."

"Isn't that the new estate?" asked Millie.

"Yeah, it is." replied Max.

We made our way to the yard. We got into the brand new Vauxhall Vectra. Max started the car and we pulled out. We made our way to the new estate. Staying silent throughout the whole journey, we pulled up outside Lucey's home.

"Say something Millie."

"Like what?"

"I don't know Millie, just something.....anything."

"I have nothing more to say to you Max. I said it all earlier."

"Look, Millie can we please start again, start afresh. Like from the beginning. Forget anything that has happened between us. And just be friends or if you don't want that just colleagues."

I looked down at the floor. I so badly wanted to say yes. But he hurt me bad and I didn't want to be anywhere near him at the moment and I certainly didn't want to be friends with him.

"I'd prefer colleagues." I said finally.

He nodded.

"Okay, let's go." he said. We both got out of the car and he pressed the button on his key that locked it. We walked down the small garden towards the door and knocked. A middle aged woman came to the door with tears in her eyes. Max didn't say anything so I took the lead.

"Hi, Mrs Stubbs, I'm PC Millie Brown and this is DI Max Carter. We're here about Lucey. May we come in?" I said. She nodded to us and opened the door. She turned and carried on walking. Max and I made to follow her. He stopped me before we walked into the lounge.

"You undermined me Millie."

"What the hell do you mean?"

"You undermined me at the door. I should have been the one to speak and not you. I am after all your superior officer and the SIO here."

"Get a grip Max. Just because I say I want to be colleagues and not friends you suddenly decide that you are going to be unfair."

"No, PC Brown. I am not being unfair. I am doing just what you asked me to do. I am treating you like a colleague and you just keep undermining me. Millie, I could overlook it when we were together but I can't now, I have to treat you fairly and this is the only way."

"Fine Guv." I replied, shell shocked at what he'd just said to me. We made our way into the lounge. I let him speak.

"Mr and Mrs Stubbs, I'm DI Carter and this is PC Brown. We've come to ask you a few questions about Lucey's disappearance." They both nodded at us. "Mr Stubbs, you work as a builder, have you had any difficult customers lately who have maybe been unhappy with the job you have completed." He shook his head.

"I've had a bit of trouble lately, financial trouble. We bought this house when business was going well. Then the recession hit us. We've been struggling ever since. I borrowed some money from a loan shark thinking if I could keep us above, I could easily pay it back. And then that money dissolved and I had nothing to pay him back with. He hasn't threatened us. But he's made no secret that he needs his money back."

"What is this loan shark called?" I asked.

"James Swann." Mr Stubbs replied.

"Mrs Stubbs, you're a lawyer for the DPS. Have you represented anyone who may have reason to want to get revenge on you or may have a problem with you?" Asked Max. I let him take the lead on the interview because I couldn't face him ripping me to pieces.

"At the Department of Professional Standards there are some people who you have to defend who you don't particularly want to and you have a half hearted defence and maybe they don't go down, maybe they do. But they know you didn't want them to get off, no matter how much you disguise it. Josh Fields and Kelly Keats, I represented Josh and he just managed to get off, Kelly wasn't quite so lucky, she got 5 years with a minimum of 3 years to serve. She threatened to get me back as soon as she got out. She was released last week and you can't tell me that it's just a coincidence." Said Mrs Stubbs.

"Does Lucey use face book?" asked Max

"Yeah, she does." Replied Mr Stubbs

"Would we be able to take her computer away?" said Max, Mr Stubbs looked at his wife and she nodded.

"Yes. Of course." Nodded Mr Stubbs.

"I'll go and get it. Where is it?" I chipped in.

"Her laptop is in her room. Straight up the stairs, first door on the left. It will be on her desk." I walked from the room and up the stairs. I could hear Max asking more questions.

"Do you know of a boyfriend?"

"No. She has never mentioned anyone."

I walked into Lucey's room. I saw the desk and then the laptop on top of the desk. I closed it and picked it up. I unplugged the charger from the wall and took that with me. I made my way downstairs and into the lounge.

"I've got the laptop." I said.

"Last but not least, do you have any recent photos of Lucey?"

"Yeah, the one in that photo frame. It was taken last week at her 16th birthday." Mrs Stubbs said as she got up off her seat and walked towards the shelves on the far wall. She picked up a photo in a photo frame and handed it to Max who passed it to me. It wasn't like my hands were already full, but that didn't seem to bother him.

"Thanks, Mr and Mrs Stubbs, there is a family liason officer on her way over. She'll stay with you and relay leads and information for you. That'll be all for now." Max nodded.

"I'll see you to the door."Said Mrs Stubbs.

"That won't be necessary Mrs Stubbs, we can see ourselves out." I told her.

Max led the way out of the room and into the passageway, he opened the front door and let me out in front of him, before closing it behind us. Mel came hurrying up the yard. She muttered a hello and knocked on the door. We carried on down the path to the car we had come in. Max clicked the button to open it. I walked to the back door on the passenger side and put the laptop and photo on the back seat before getting into the front.

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please R&R.

Thanks to Feebee and Kate-Emma for reading! I'm loving your stories to!

xx


	9. Keep Holding On

Disclaimer: Still trying my bestest and hardest to own the bill and MAX.......... Note to self............MUST........TRY.........HARDER!!!!

When writing this chapter I was listening to keep holding on by Avril Lavigne. (Which is where the chapter name comes from)

Sorry this is another boring chapter - bare with me, i promise it will get better, these chapters are needed to fill in and make the story flow - once again i am sorry!

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Max's point of view

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I'd done it again. I'd hurt her. Why the hell am I so emotionally retarded?

I just guess that we both have to get over it and get on with our lives. I can't see Millie forgiving me after all I lied to her and deceived her. I looked at her and she was staring at the floor. I turned away and a tear ran down my cheek. It'd been a long time since I'd cried properly and I could feel myself going. I started the car, indicated and pulled away, pressing the ON button on the CD player. I focused on the road not giving anything away to her. I glanced over again and still she was looking at the floor. I saw a tear drop from her cheek onto the floor. I indicated and pulled into a parking spot.

"Mills, I'm sorry for that." He told her.

"Will you stop saying you're sorry! Sorry is just too easy a word to say and the more I hear you say it the less I even believe you're sorry!" she bit back.

"Millie, please forgive me for treating you like that. I was out of order and you were right, I was being unfair. I've bared my soul to you and I guess I was angry. The first person I ever told about my son was you. The only time I ever cheated on my wife was with you. Millie, I want US to be together. And I want to give you time to decide about us. I'd hate to think that this was it for us. I've had a great 4 months with you Millie and I don't want it to end. I know we can't carry on from where we left off. But please give us a chance Millie. I know I've made mistakes, done horrible things and maybe ruined the best thing to have ever happened to me. But I am begging you."

"Okay, we'll start just as friends; I'm not running straight back into this with all guns blazing. Sorry that was inappropriate, I didn't mean for it to come out like that."

"It's ok don't worry. I know what you mean."

I put my finger under her chin and gently tilted it up. So that she was looking at me in the eyes. I ran my thumb across her cheeks under her eyes and took away the tears that she was crying. She looked deep into my eyes and she turned her face away, her chin slipped from my hand and she went back to staring at the floor. I turned, out the car into gear, indicated looked around and pulled out. I drove us back to the nick. I took the laptop and Millie picked up the photo. We walked into the station and up into CID. Millie took the photo from the frame and put some blue tack on the back. She walked to the front of the room and stuck it underneath the name 'Lucey Stubbs'. She stopped and stared at the board, I walked up and added the names James Swann, Kelly Keats and Josh Fields to the list of suspects.

"Millie, go onto Banksy's computer and search CRIMENT for James Swann and see if he has any previous, I'll check Kelly Keats and Josh Fields." I said to her. We got to work.

"Swann has no previous." she piped up. I turned to her.

"Keats was sent down for being a bent copper, apparently she was suspected to be aiding a local heavy and they were bringing in firearms. She was arrested whilst in possession of a stolen fire arm. Fields got off his charge of aiding and abetting drug dealing, apparently the witness was shot in suspicious circumstances, the killer was never found therefore a link couldn't be forged between a suspect and Fields." I said. I printed off their pictures, which I left in the printer.

"Should we update the super?" Millie asked. I nodded and turned to walk from the CID area and I realised Millie hadn't moved. "come on Millie."

"I thought you'd want__"

"Well you thought wrong."

I knocked on the door. "Enter" came a familiar Yorkshire accent.

"Guv, Millie and I have an update for you."

The super nodded and we both entered. Millie seemed to let me take the lead probably because of earlier.

"We spoke to the father and he told us that he borrowed money from a loan shark and can't pay it back. The loan shark or should I say James Swann has been pressurising them to pay the money back however he hasn't threatened them yet. He has no previous. However____" I trailed off, Millie looked at me and I nodded.

"We spoke to the mother who is as you know a DPS lawyer, she told us she represented two people on the same case, one of them got off and the other was required to spend 5 years in prison with a minimum 3 to be served before eligible for release. She went down for taking bungs and giving out tips however she was suspected though there wasn't enough evidence of working with a local heavy in supplying and importing fire arms, she was released last week. Fields went to trial over suspected drug dealing in connection with the same local heavy, the main witness in his case was killed in suspicious circumstances, the killer was never found therefore it was never proven whether or not Fields was behind it."

"I think it's best to locate Keats and Fields after all Keats has form for fire arms offences. I want you both to do that and ask Banksy to take someone to locate Swann."

"Okay, Guv."

We walked from the office and into the main CID area. Millie walked to the front of the room where she added the suspects' offences and their pictures from the printer. I took a note of both last known addresses and a separate one for Swann's last known address. Banksy was sitting at his desk.

"Banksy?"

"Yes Guv."

"I want you to follow up a lead Millie and I got when we interviewed the parents. Apparently the father Keith Stubbs borrowed some money from a loan shark, James Swann, who has been pressurising them to pay up, he hasn't yet threatened them yet but in these cases that sometimes doesn't mean anything." Banksy nodded as Terry and Grace walked through the double doors "take Terry with you. Grace, can you take that laptop down to Eddie and the techno department?"

"Guv" the three of them answered in perfect harmony.

Myself and Millie left CID along with Terry and Banksy. We got into the Vectra we'd used this morning. Terry and Banksy took the Astra. We made our way to each address we had but there was no answer and no sign of anyone living there. So having spent 10 minutes trying to get an answer and another 10 minutes knocking on the next door neighbours we had no other choice but to return to the overflowing CID. It was end of shift anyway; time to leave it to the night shift.

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Thanks to Feebee, Kate-Emma, MissLaLa (Sorry i missed you off the other chapter) for reviewing

x x


	10. Fight For This Love

**Disclaimer: Well guys I'm STILL Trying but to no avail and i don't own the song either.

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**Millie's point of view

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The super came into the over spilling CID area and called for silence but didn't get any.

"Pub? My shout!" shouted the Super. The whole of CID cleared out whilst the uniform went to get changed. I made my way downstairs to the locker room. I opened my locker door and there was a single red tulip on my shelf. Of course I already knew who it was off. It was one of his tricks from the very first date. One single red tulip representing 'undying love' I closed my eyes as I inhaled the sweet smell of the tulip and smiled to myself. I placed it back into my locker carefully. I put on my black skinny jeans, white vest top, black leather biker jacket, black beads and Ugg Boots. I applied some bronzer onto my cheek, some soft eyeliner, mascara and clear lip gloss. Mel was now changed so we both made our way out and into the back yard ready to leave. We walked along linking arms, laughing and joking. Max came out behind us. I turned.

"You coming to the pub guv?" I asked.

"erm yeah, I think I may." He said as I smirked at him. He walked along beside me and Mel who were linking arms; I was in the middle of them both. We made our way to the pub and my usual of Vodka and Coke, Mel's usual of Bacardi and Coke and Max's bottle of Stella Artois was waiting for us. I thanked the super. Max bought our next ones, then Smithy, then Stevie, then Jo, then Callum, then Terry, Neil, Mel, and me until everyone had bought a round. Then we all began drinking separately. I could feel myself getting drunker and drunker, louder and louder. I decided it was time to sing a song on the karaoke. So I stumbled along towards the Karaoke machine. Max sat and watched intently as I got the chap to set the song up for me. He passed me the microphone. And the Music began and I began singing:

_Too much of anything can make you sink  
Even the good can be a curse (curse)  
Makes it hard to know which road to go down  
Knowing too much can get you hurt.  
Is it better? Is it worse?  
Are we sitting in reverse  
It's just like we're going backwards. (backwards)  
I know where I want this to go  
Driving fast but lets go slow  
What I don't wanna do is crash nooo.  
Just know you're not in this thing alone  
There's always a place in me that you can call home  
Whenever you feel like we're growing apart  
Let's just go back, back, back to the_

_Anything that's worth having  
Is sure enough worth fighting for  
Quitting's out of the question  
When it gets tough, gotta fight some more._

_We gotta fight, fight, fight for this love  
We gotta fight, fight, fight for this love  
We gotta fight, fight, fight for this love  
If it's' worth having, it's worth fighting for oh-oh-oh_

_Now everyday ain't gon' be no picnic  
Love aint a walk in the park  
All you can do is make the best of it now  
Can't be afraid of the dark.  
Just know you're not in this thing alone  
There's always a place in me that you can call home  
Whenever you feel like we're growing apart  
Let's just go back, back, back to the start._

_Anything that's worth having  
Is sure enough worth fighting for  
Quitting's out of the question  
When it gets tough, gotta fight some more._

_We gotta fight, fight, fight for this love  
We gotta fight, fight, fight for this love  
We gotta fight, fight, fight for this love  
If it's worth having, it's worth fighting for oh-oh-oh_

_I don't know where I'm heading  
I'm willing and ready to go.  
We've been driving so fast  
We just need to slow down  
And just ro-o-o-o-o-oll._

_Anything that's worth having  
Is sure enough worth fighting for  
Quitting's out of the question  
When it gets tough, gotta fight some more._

_repeat x2_

_We gotta fight, fight, fight for this love  
We gotta fight, fight, fight for this love  
We gotta fight, fight, fight for this love  
If it's worth having, it's worth fighting for oh-oh-oh  
_

I sang it for me and I sang it for Max, to let him know that I love him, and that I'll fight for this love as its worth it. But we need to go slow because we don't want to crash at high speed. And like the song says '_when it gets tough gotta fight some more_' and '_We've been driving so fast, We just need to slow down, And just roll.' _We need to be steady. Because even though I kind of hate him at the moment, I just can't stop loving him. Although everything needs to go slow. We have to give it a chance, because it may just work out. Mel was pissed along with Jack, Neil, Smithy, Ben, Roger, Nate, Leon, Jo, Stevie, Terry and Banksy. Callum is relatively sober however they have all left. So it's just Max and me finishing our drinks. I knocked my drink back and let out a loud belch.

"Ooopsies!!" And then I was hysterical, Max stood up from his bar stool and wobbled, keeping himself up using the bar. And then we were both in hysterics. We made our way out of the pub, wobbling and into the stood with me as I waited for my taxi, typical Max, ever the gentleman. I hadn't realised how cold it was until I started shivering. Max saw me shivering so he put one arm around me and I pushed myself closer to him and up against him. Right at this moment, I know it sounds silly but I needed security and I felt secure up against his warm muscular chest. I wrapped my arms around his waist; he tightened his grip and rested his chin on my head. I pulled my head from his chest, leaned up and kissed him. He leaned deeper into me as we kissed more passionately and harder with every move. I couldn't deny that I wanted him. He hitched my leg up around his waist as he pushed me up against the wall, I put my hand up his shirt and gently ran my fingertips down from his chest to the waist band of his jeans, I teased him with my hand moving it around the waist band of his trousers, growing ever closer. I pulled him up closer to me and I felt his protruding erection against my hip. I moved away as my taxi pulled up, I smiled and took his hand and gently guided him to the taxi, we both got into the back. He pulled me towards him as I put one arm around his waist my head was against his tight, sculpted chest. We nestled together until I arrived at my flat. He paid for the taxi whilst I searched for my keys. I walked towards the door and fumbled even more for my keys, I hoped I hadn't left them at the station. As my hand began to dig even deeper in my handbag, I felt an arm wrap around my waist and then another one, I was caught off balance but nonetheless managed to remain upright. I felt his soft lips on my neck, he left a trail of kisses going up my neck to my jaw line. Before kissing my cheek and trailing back down my neck, I could feel his soft breath whistling past my skin. As I moved my hand around my bag, I clasped onto the key ring I had my keys on. I pulled them out, found the right key and went to put them into the key hole, as I aimed for it my hand shook and I missed the lock, the key scraping on either side of the lock, I eventually managed to steady my hand and unlock the door. Max followed me in and we both kicked off our shoes. He shut the door behind us and kissed me tenderly on the lips, we made our way into my bedroom. I stood on my tiptoes in order to reach up to his mouth. I began unbuttoning his shirt whilst he slipped my coat off, I began with kissing his chest moving down to his waist band where I unbuttoned his jeans and let them drop, I came back up to his mouth and kissed him. He pulled my vest top over my head and unzipped my jeans, before pushing me onto the bed, he positioned himself on top of me, using his arms to support his weigh and the rest was history. A teardrop escaped and ran down my cheek; I hoped Max hadn't noticed, he had. We lay down under the quilt of the king size bed. I curled up into a ball and nestled into him. And he just comforted me as I cried bucket loads.

"Mills, please talk to me....." he begged.

I remained silent.

"Mills, please, you're worrying me....." he tried again.

Still I remained silent.

"Mills please tell me what's wrong you are really worrying me....." he really sounded concerned.

I swallowed a sob.

"Why do you want to be with me?" she asked.

"Millie, you are beautiful, smart, kind, caring, stubborn and you see the good in everyone, even me. Millie, I don't know what you ever saw in me, but I'm so glad you saw something, whatever that was." He smiled

"Max, you shouldn't be with me?" I said matter of factly.

"Why shouldn't I?" he asked

"Because I am a huge failure." I sobbed

"No Mills, you're not."

"Max, I can never give anyone any children, if we were together I couldn't give you a child." I cried even more is I said this.

"Millie, I do want children, but if you can't I'm okay with that, because I'd rather have you."

"Max, you deserve someone who can give you everything you want. I can't do that. I want you to have sons and daughters and if I can't give you them then what is the point of us."

"Millie I don't care about anything as long as I have you."

"Max, I think it's best if this was the last time we saw each other outside of work."

"Please don't do this Mill, I want you and only you, I don't care about anything else." He begged.

"You will......" and that was it.

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**Thanks to everyone for reviewing. The song just in case you dont know is 'Fight for this love' by Cheryl Cole.**


	11. Alone

**Disclaimer: Still trying my bestest and hardest and i will never give up - i still dont own them though.**

**A nice little short chapter.**

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Millie's point of view

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I'd just had my two days off, and boy was I pleased. I couldn't have coped with work, with a hangover like the one following our night at the pub. Lucey Stubbs was still missing so I was going into work in plain clothes seeing as I was working with CID. Max was on leave and was flying to Poland today, he would be there for the next week and a half. So I made my way into work knowing I wouldn't have to face him. I may seem like a strong woman but in fact I am secretly a complete coward. I pulled up outside the station, went in and to the locker rooms, I opened my locker and there was a red tulip in the pocket of my shirt. I took the tulip out and put it with the other one on my shelf. I put my bag into my locker. I was pleased I didn't have to wear my uniform today. I made my way up to CID, I sat at the desk that belonged to Max when he was a DS, as this was my workstation for the time being. On the desk in a small glass vase was a red tulip. The briefing was about to begin so I sat at my desk.

"As you all know Max is away for the next week and a half." I looked at the desk, making patterns out of the grain in the wood. I really didn't want to listen to what Jack had to say. "Originally the plan was that no one would know his reasons for being away. But due to everyone's objection to it, he has given his blessing for me to explain his grounds for going. Most of you know his wife was in here last week and she collapsed. She died that night. He is attending the funeral in Poland and will be back soon. As we don't have a DI now, Neil has kindly agreed to step back in until Max returns."

I looked up and Jo, Stevie and Grace had their heads hung. I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath before opening them again.

"Lucey Stubbs, has been missing for 3 days now, I want every effort put into finding her. We have received information from tech that according to her face book she was in a relationship with someone called Dan Harries, he is 25 years old, has previous for assault and is married. We haven't quite managed to track down Keats and Fields; we have CCTV evidence eliminating Swann from our enquiries. Millie and I will interview Harries, I want Banksy and Terry to check Keats' home again, Jo and Grace check Field's home, Stevie and Smithy I need you to speak to Mel and Lucey's parents. Any Questions?" Neil asked, everyone shook their head. "Good, dismissed."

"Guv." Everyone replied in agreement.

The DI and I went to speak to Dan Harries; his wife gave him an alibi so currently he has been eliminated from our enquiries, there was however something wrong about him, I just had this feeling, and I really couldn't put my finger on it although I wished I could.

I began to do some digging back at the station. So I opened the notepad on his desk. One thing I hate about Max was the fact that he's a neat-freak. I couldn't find a pen anywhere. So I opened one of the drawers on the desk and rummaged around until I found a red tulip next to a pen. I picked the tulip up. Inhaled the sweet smell and gently put it in the vase along with the other one. I picked up the pen and lay it next to the pad. I turned the computer on and logged into the system. I picked the pen up ready to take notes; instead I sat waving the pen in mid air and stared into space.

Had I done the right thing?

Should I call Max?

Should I put things right?

Can we be together?

Was what he said to me the truth?

I found myself answering all these questions with a big fat NO!

1 week later and there was no leads and still no sign of Lucey, I felt guilty, her parents were really upset and I hated having to go and see them knowing we were no closer to finding her. I did however pray everynight befor bed and everymorning before breakfast tht we would find her, no such luck yet though.

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Thanks for reviewing everyone, your comments are greatly appreciated! x x


	12. Poland

**Disclaimer: 2 words .......... STILL TRYING!!!**

**Sorry its been a while, i've had a touch of writers block, i was on a role the last time i updated.....two chapters in one day, since them i've really struggled! **

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Max's point of view

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I boarded the Polish airlines flight to Warsaw. I was trying to prepare myself for when I see Isabela. My mum is picking me up from the airport and I just couldn't wait to see a friendly face. I began thinking about Aleks, Isabela, my sister Zuzanna and my brother Lukasz who I hadn't seen in a while, basically because they were the oldest and had spent more time in Poland before we moved to London, they moved back with my Mum and Dad but myself, my twin sister, my other brother and my other sister remained in Britain but then my thinking went to Millie. Why was she so stubborn? Yes, I would love to have children but in comparison that doesn't rank at the same point as wanting her. She is the missing piece of my jigsaw puzzle, the one thing that can make me complete. And I've lost it again. I've lost her again. Just when things finally seem to be going well between us. I didn't want to leave like this but I had to. I had to be there at her funeral. To say thank you. To say how much she meant to me as a friend but not as a wife. How I loved her like a best friend. How she was my confidante, the one person I could speak to about anything until the guilt over powered me and I couldn't face her broken heart. I noticed how she would smile but her ice blue eyes would never melt, every smile............every laugh..............was a lie, she faked every minute of it, and only I knew she was. She was never able to have fun, knowing it was her fault he died, whenever I tried to speak to her about what happened she would say 9 words "I'm his mother and I should have protected him!". I never smiled, never laughed, and never had fun, because all in all, if I'd listened to her this would never have happened. His crying can still be heard echoing around the empty house bouncing off the cold walls, a ghost of what **WAS**

haunts me every single day. The door to his room remains closed. All of his things remain inside........waiting for him to come back........waiting for him to play with them........waiting for him to discard them as he grows up...........just waiting.........my son will never grow up, he'll never have his first day at school, he'll never go on his first driving lesson, he'll never buy his first pint, he'll never get his first car, he'll never get his own place, he'll never have children, he'll never get married. We landed in Poland; I got off the plane and made my way to the terminal, I retrieved my baggage and made my way to the arrivals part of the airport. I walked through the door and I saw my mother. I walked over to her, she met me in the middle and gave me a hug as I rested my head on her shoulder. We walked from the airport and outside to her car. We got in and drove home in silence. We stopped off at a florists where I picked up some flowers for Isabela. We arrived at my own home. And I felt strangely glad to be somewhere with lots of nice memories in it, somewhere noisy, somewhere familiar. I made my way into the house. My dad William came over and gave me a manly hug.

"Helena, get him a Whiskey."

"No Mum, I have to go and see Isabela first."

My mum and dad nodded. I picked the flowers up and walked out of the house and out of the gate. I didn't have to walk far as she lives next door to us, so I made my way to the front door and knocked. Aleksandra's father Albert came to the door.

"Max, how lovely to see you. Please come in." I followed him into the lounge. Isabela was with Aleksandra's brother Jakub, she saw me out of the corner of her eye and rushed over to see me. She pulled me into a hug, luckily I managed to get the flowers out of the way before they were squished.

"How are you Max?"

"Oh you know.....so so. You?"

"So so. I suppose. Would you like something to eat, you must miss all these lovely Polish dishes when you're in London."

"There are Polish restaurants around London you know."

"Polish smolish there food doesn't taste as good as the food here. It never does, it doesn't have the same authenticity."

She went from the room and brought back a steaming plate of Gulasz with Kasha and a brown envelope. She handed the Gulasz and the envelope to me.

"Isabela, my favourite." I said giving her the eye.

"I know...... I knew you wouldn't be able to resist." She smiled.

I took a forkful and the taste was delightful, and she was right, the Polish restaurants in London do not compare to this, I don't know how they get away with calling the food there Polish. They could do with getting some lessons from Isabela. I cleared my plate and she took it away. Jakub and Albert talked to me about the football, you know just small talk. I didn't know what to do with this envelope until Isabela caught me staring at it.

"Max, I would read that when you get home, your mother is going to be wondering where you've gotten too." I smiled at Isabela and walked towards her, I gave her a cuddle and kissed her on the cheek, I shook Albert and Jakub's hands before leaving and returning next door, returning open the mysterious envelope I held. I entered, let my mum and dad know I was in the house and that I was going for a lie down, it'd been a long day for me, so they didn't kick up a fuss. I closed the door of my childhood bedroom and sat on the bed. I ran my fingers over the sealed part; I was in two minds about whether or not to open it. I slid my hands under the flap and gently prised it apart. There was a white folded piece of paper inside, I pulled it out and unfolded it. My eyes scanned over the writing_:_

__

_Dear Max,_

_I remember the first day we met. We were both living in Poland, our parents had bought houses next door to each other. You pushed me into the pool, not realising I couldn't swim. We were 16 and you had to jump in and rescue me. You were my knight in shining armour. You always will be. I will be watching over you making sure your safe, making sure you're happy. You were my first love , my last love and my only love. I love you, always have, always will, I just wasn't good at showing it. When our son died I kept a cold house. I was never in, it was too quiet and even when I was in I might as well not have been. I want you to know that I don't blame you Max, I never did. If anything I blamed myself. And then I began thinking that maybe there was a reason our angel had to leave, maybe he was to good for this world and he didn't deserve having to live through all the pain life causes. You were my angel and my saviour but we began to grow apart when our little angel left us. I hope that I am with him now. He needs his Mama. And I need my son. There was always only so far you could go to mend my heart the rest was supposed to be down to me. But my heart was empty. You deserve all of the happiness in the world and I won't begrudge you that. I think you know what you're supposed to do. Have children, lots of children; don't let the pain you had after our angel died put you off. Because in the end the pain will be worth it. So you had better get to it. Make me happy, make her happy and forgive yourself, nothing was your fault, it was just the way things were meant to be. Don't let it haunt you. Let someone in and let her be your angel and your saviour and it's time for you to be someone else's knight in shining armour._

_With love and kindness_

_Aleksandra xx_


	13. Because You Loved Me

**Disclaimer: I'm still trying.....No such bloody luck!!!!**

**Dont own parts of the italic writing or the bold song lyrics!**

**Max's point of view.**

It was the day of the funeral. My eyes opened and I took a deep breath. I picked up my towel and made my way to the shower. I put the water on before I hung my towel up. I stepped into the shower and put my head under the running water, I closed my eyes as I put my face under the water as well. I washed away the tears I was crying. When I was finished in the shower I got out and wrapped the towel around my waist, I picked up my jogging bottoms and I walked back to my room, where I got changed in silence. I put on my black pants, the crisp white shirt my Mum had ironed for me last night, the black silk tie I saved for funerals or occasions within the force, I put on my black socks and threw on my black jacket, I slipped my feet into my black lace up shoes and tied them before making my way downstairs where my dad was sitting with my mum eating breakfast. I walked towards them and sat down with them. My dad turned to me passed me the glass that had some vodka already poured.

"Son, how about some Polish courage!" He picked up his own glass, my mother picked up her glass and my mother made a toast.

"To Aleksandra, our lives are so much better having known you."

"Aleksandra." We chorused. We made our way from the house to the funeral cars. I looked at my naked left hand, my wedding ring was in Aleks' hand, where it belonged.

**Hold up!  
Hold on!  
Don't be scared,  
You'll never change what's been and gone  
May your smile, (may your smile)  
Shine on, (shine on)  
Don't be scared, (don't be scared)  
Your destiny may keep you warm,**

My mother took my hand and smiled some encouragement to me as I froze whilst getting out of the funeral car. I looked at the ground. The white coffin was taking from the hearse and hoisted into the air, the pall bearers walked slowly into the church. I was staring at my shoes as we made our way up the long winding path towards the towering church, which was intimidating with its beauty. I felt like I couldn't breathe, that this was it, she was never coming back....I started to panic as I realised I was beginning to forget her, her smile, her eyes, her touch......her everything. I didn't know if I could do this. I love Aleks but I love her in a different way than that of my Millie. As we walked into the church my eyes were still glued to the floor, I was trying to keep myself together, and I knew that if I looked at someone else I wouldn't be able to hold it all together.

**'Cause all of the stars,  
Have faded away  
Just try not to worry,  
You'll see them someday,  
Take what you need,  
And be on your way and  
Stop crying your heart out**

As we took our seats, I felt my chest tighten. I breathed in deeply and I exhaled deeply, I felt like I was choking, that the breath had been knocked from me. I felt tears sting my eyes as I tried to hold them back, as I began to realise that Aleks would never sit on the armchair reading her celebrity magazines, knowing how much I always hated them, flicking through the channels on the TV, knowing how much it annoyed me. I wanted to go back to England and find her still sitting there. I wished that this was all some huge mistake, just a bad dream. Aleks couldn't be dead. She was still alive, she was still at home. This was some sort of sick joke.

**Get up, (get up)  
Come on, (come on)  
Why you scared? (I'm not scared...)  
You'll never change what's been and gone**

**'Cause all of the stars,  
Have faded away  
Just try not to worry,  
You'll see them some day,  
Take what you need,  
And be on your way and  
Stop crying your heart out**

And then Jakub got up and read a Eulogy, I just kept repeating 'she's at home, she can't be dead, she's alive, this is just a sick joke, a really sick joke' over and over in my head. I didn't dare to look up at Jakub, because if I did I would know that she was dead, that she wasn't here anymore and that this was it.

_Aleksandra was the very essence of compassion, of duty, of style and of beauty. Today is our chance to say thank you for the way you brightened our lives, even though God granted you but half a life. We will all feel cheated always that you were taken from us so young and yet we must learn to be grateful that you came along at all. Only now that you are gone do we truly appreciate what we are now without, and we want you to know that life without you is very, very difficult. We have all despaired at your loss over the past few weeks and only the strength of the message you gave us through your years of giving has afforded us the strength to move forward. _

_There is a temptation to rush to canonise your memory; there is no need to do so. You stand tall enough as a human being of unique qualities not to need to be seen as a saint. Indeed, to sanctify your memory would be to miss out on the very core of your being, your wonderfully mischievous sense of humour with a laugh that bent you double. Your joy for life transmitted wherever you took your smile and the sparkle in those unforgettable eyes. Your boundless energy which you could barely contain. _

_But your greatest gift was your intuition, and it was a gift you used wisely. This is what underpinned all your other wonderful attributes and if we look to analyse what it was about you that had such a wide appeal we find it in your instinctive feel for what was really important in all our lives. You live on in all of us, in our mannerisms, in our smiles, in our beauty and most of all in our hearts. This only backs up 13 words that I have found comforting 'a life has never ended until those it has touched has ended to.' Well you certainly touched my life Aleks and as long as I and many others are breathing you will still be alive._

I took deep breathes as I tried to keep my tears in. I couldn't show weakness, not now. I couldn't show how much I was in pain. How much I wanted her to still be alive, how much I wanted her to walk down the aisle and say it was all a misunderstanding, that the doctors had got it all wrong, that God had changed his mind, that he didn't need her. Aleks, deserved some happiness, she didn't deserve to die, she deserved to be loved by someone, she deserved to find her prince charming, she deserved to be happy with someone, she deserved another 50 years....more.

**'Cause all of the stars,  
Have faded away  
Just try not to worry,  
You'll see them someday.  
Just take what you need,  
And be on your way and  
Stop crying your heart out**

**We're all of the stars,  
We're fading away.  
Just try not to worry,  
You'll see us someday.  
Just take what you need,  
And be on your way and  
Stop crying your heart out...**

I got up to read my eulogy to my ex wife. I hoped I could rustle up the strength to complete the whole thing. As I stood up I felt a little faint and I stumbled, I could feel myself sweating, my clothes sticking. My eyes followed my feet as I came to a standstill at the front of the church. I made sure that my eyes remained fixed in the piece of paper in front of me. I began speaking.

_You can shed tears that she is gone  
or you can smile because she has lived. _

_You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back  
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left._

_Your heart can be empty because you can't see her  
or you can be full of the love you shared. _

_You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday  
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. _

_You can remember her and only that she's gone  
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on. _

_You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back  
or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on._

She was carried out of the church to a song she loves so much, a song that she always believed, a song she always felt described everything about her life, but this particular song described the effect she had on all the lives she touched in her short life.

**For all those times you stood by me  
For all the truth that you made me see  
For all the joy you brought to my life  
For all the wrong that you made right  
For every dream you made come true  
For all the love I found in you  
I'll be forever thankful baby  
You're the one who held me up  
Never let me fall  
You're the one who saw me through **

**through it all**

**You were my strength when I was weak  
You were my voice when I couldn't speak  
You were my eyes when I couldn't see  
You saw the best there was in me  
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach  
You gave me faith 'coz you believed  
I'm everything I am  
Because you loved me**

**You gave me wings and made me fly  
You touched my hand I could touch the sky  
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me  
You said no star was out of reach  
You stood by me and I stood tall  
I had your love I had it all  
I'm grateful for each day you gave me  
Maybe I don't know that much  
But I know this much is true  
I was blessed because I was loved by you**

**You were my strength when I was weak  
You were my voice when I couldn't speak  
You were my eyes when I couldn't see  
You saw the best there was in me  
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach  
You gave me faith 'coz you believed  
I'm everything I am  
Because you loved me**

**You were always there for me  
The tender wind that carried me  
A light in the dark shining your love into my life  
You've been my inspiration  
Through the lies you were the truth  
My world is a better place because of you**

**You were my strength when I was weak  
You were my voice when I couldn't speak  
You were my eyes when I couldn't see  
You saw the best there was in me  
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach  
You gave me faith 'coz you believed  
I'm everything I am  
Because you loved me**

Her coffin was took into the church yard where she was lowered into her grave. Isabela dropped a red rose into the grave. And then Aleks' body was committed to the ground

_Into the darkness and warmth of the earth  
We lay you down  
Into the sadness and smiles of our memories  
We lay you down  
Into the cycle of living and dying and rising again  
We lay you down  
May you rest in peace, in fulfilment, in loving  
May you run straight home in God's embrace_

I felt as though my knees were growing weak, that I was about to crash to my knees, that my whole body was shaking like jelly, that this was it, that Aleks was finally gone. The house was going to be even more quiet, my life emptier, I may not have been in love with my wife but I did love her, I loved her like a best friend but her absence would leave a big gap in my heart. I saw some movement from the corner of my eye and I looked up, I saw a figure hurrying off, I could have sworn that the figure was my estranged sister Molly. She didn't really speak to Aleks and she certainly didn't speak to me or my family, it couldn't possibly be her because he wouldn't have allowed her to come. I pushed that thought to the back of my mind as we all made our way to the wake. And that was the last thing I remembered as I drank myself into a drunken stupor.

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All reviews are appreciated. thanks for reviewing x x

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	14. One

**Nope still dont own it! i swear i will never stop trying!!!**

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Millie's point of view

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I made my way into Sun Hill Police Station and was stopped by Ben who had been singing out of tune to I got a Feeling by The Black Eyed Peas.

"Millie, there's some post for you."

"Okay, thanks Ben." I said as I made my way over to the desk and took the letter that was addressed to me. I made my way up to CID. Lucey Stubbs was still missing and we were nowhere near finding the poor girl. I knew Max was due back today as DI Manson was going back on leave. I sat at Max's old desk, there were 7 red tulips in the vase on the desk and there were 12 red tulip's in a vase at home. I opened the envelope and began reading:

_Dear Millie, _

_You may be unsure as to why I am writing to you. Millie I can see how much Max loves you and wants to be with you. He never told you about me or our son because he isn't the type of person to open up, he keeps everything to himself, he needs you to listen and support him because opening up and showing weakness is the hardest thing he can do. That day I was at your nick. He looked at you in a way he has never before looked at me, I knew then that he had deep feelings for you. So I am writing to you to ask you to forgive him, and help him to forgive himself, I could never help him forgive himself because I was too wrapped up in blaming myself, only you can help him, he needs the love of a decent woman to help bring him to terms with our son's death, and that woman is you. You need to be his angel and his saviour. You and Max could be, sorry will be amazing together, you are both perfect together and he needs someone's love now more than anything. Be there for him. Have patience and give him another chance. By following these instructions I will have died a very happy woman. Make him happy. Have lots of happy times. Lots of children. And remember life is too short, take lots of pictures and make lots of memories. Because it only takes 1 minute for everything to be ripped apart take it from me, I know. And just remember he LOVES you! Make it all count for something. Be his angel and his saviour, give him faith and give him strength. Don't be afraid. Go for it. Because I have just realised that life is no rehearsal. You only get one chance. So grab it with both hands and live it like you have no regrets. Love him, care for him and be with him. Let him be you're knight in shining armour._

_With respect and best wishes_

_Aleksandra_

I sunk into my own little world thinking about everything. When the main door swung open and Max walked in. My head automatically snapped up and I found Max holding my glare, almost daring me to look away, daring me to blink, but somehow I couldn't, I couldn't bring myself to look away, I couldn't bring myself to stop taking everything in. Oh God I definitely missed him. I almost melted as he came over to me and asked me how the case was going.

"Millie, how's everything going?"

"Lucey is still missing sir, we have no new leads, DI Manson was talking about another appeal for information, maybe jog someone's memory."

"Yeah it sounds like a good idea, I take it we're still looking for Keats and Fields"

"Keats and Fields seem to have fallen off the radar. It seems no one has seen them. The techs found out through face book that Lucey was dating a married man Dan Harries, his wife gave him an alibi and we eliminated the loan shark Swann from our enquiries. We are absolutely no where sir."

"Millie, here's the number of a friend of mine, Tally Singer, she's ex CO-19 she served with Keats, she may know where Keats is." He said as he handed me a number. Max made his way to his office to be debriefed by DI Manson. I picked up the phone and dialled the number that he'd handed me. After about five rings some one answered the phone.

"Hello." Came the voice on the other end.

"Could I speak to Tally Singer please?"

"Speaking, how can I help you?"

"Hi, my name's PC Millie Brown and I'm ringing on behalf of Max Carter."

"That's one name I haven't heard in a while. How is he? I take it he isn't CO-19 anymore."

"He's doing really well for himself, he isn't CO-19 but he's acting DI here at Sun Hill."

"I think I know what this phone call is about its Kelly Keats isn't it?"

"Yes, Tally, he says you may know her."

"Yeah, I shared a cell with her, I'll come down to the station, Sun Hill did you say?"

"Yes, Sun Hill, ask for Millie Brown or Max Carter at the front desk. Thanks Tally."

"It's no problem honestly, I'll see you at about 11"

"Yep, thanks, bye."

I replaced the handset onto the receiver and made my way to the DI's office. I knocked on the door and DI Manson and Superintendant Meadows were in there with him.

"Enter" Max called, I opened the door.

"Guv, Tally is coming into the station at about 11." I said, he nodded and I went to leave the room.

"Millie." I turned back around. "Would you mind updating DI Manson and Superintendant Meadows, on your new lead."

"Well it wasn't really my lead you helped sir."

"I didn't really help much."

"He's being modest."

"I'm not being modest, I just gave you the name, and you've followed it all up."

"Acting DI Carter gave me the name of Kelly Keats' cell mate, I rang her and she's agreed to come into the station to talk to us at about 11."

"Maybe we can get somewhere now." Replied Neil he turned to Max "Think about it Max." Before making his way to the door that I was standing in.

"Yes, guv, it's a definite yes."

"Ok, we'll make an announcement in the briefing." Superintendant Meadows said as he made for the door to.

"Millie, would you mind staying so I can speak to you about this new lead."

"Yes guv."

Jack shut the door behind him and I made my way over to his desk. I sat down on the seat opposite his desk.

"Millie, please, you didn't mean what you said the other day did you."

"Oh, Max, I don't know what I mean. All I know is that I love you. But can you love me? Knowing that we can never have children together."

"Of course Millie. I love you. I don't care if we can't have children together, if we want we can always adopt."

"Yeah, I suppose you're right Max. I just don't want you to get bored one day. I don't want to be hurt like you hurt me again; I can't take that kind of pain Max. I just can't do it anymore. I can't stay away from you, Max. I thought I was over you until this morning when you walked through those doors. And then you were the centre of my being, the thing that keeps me going, and the thing that I wake up early for in the mornings. Knowing I'll see you as soon as I get here is enough for me, it is enough to make me feel like I could do anything. I've been trying to fight it but I can't Max, I seriously can't and I know now that I am fuck all without you. And Max, as much as I don't want to say this, I need you, I want you, and I love you!

"Oh Millie, I love you to."

He walked over to me, leaning against the desk, he pulled me up so that I was standing in front of him and he pulled me into a tight hug, I managed to pull myself out from his arms and he looked at me shocked.

"What's wrong Millie?" he asked confused. I looked into his eyes and cupped his face in my hands, before touching his lips with mine. It started off slow, and lingering as I gently pulled away, his eyes remained closed until he realised I had stopped and they snapped open. I laughed and touched his lips again with mine, this time I kissed him hard, passionate, I desperately wanted more. He cupped my face and pulled me nearer him, he stood up and gently twisted us around so I was leaning against the desk, he moved some papers to the side and gently lowered me onto the desk, where he continued kissing me, his lips left mine as he made his way down my neck, he unbuttoned my shirt and his kisses moved onto my chest, he un tucked the shirt and opened it out, he then moved his kisses down my stomach, a little moan quivered out of my mouth. I put my cold hand up his jumper and I ran my fingertips up his torso, I felt him shiver beneath my palm. I felt his erection on the side of my leg, I could hear his breath quickening as I pulled him closer to me. He hitched up my skirt and ran his hand up my thigh until he reached the spot; he moved my lace knickers to the side. I moaned in ecstasy as he finished what he was doing. I sat up on the desk and unloosened his pants, I slipped them down a little, along with his boxers, I pulled him on top of me as he slipped my knickers to the side, and we became one..... one person......one soul and one whole.

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All reviews are greatly appreciated! x x


	15. The lead

**Disclaimer: I still dont own...... If i did i wouldnt let it go.........I dont want it to leave our screens....... *sob sob**

**Sorry about the long delay. We had a death in the family and i just havent had the time to update!**

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**Max's point of view**

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I was sitting staring at the desk, myself and Millie had just made love on. I began thinking about whether or not I had seen Molly at the funeral or not. I was beginning to think about checking up on her. I logged onto the computer, whilst wondering whether I should check up on her. But did I really want to get involved in all of that again? I was disturbed from my thoughts by the ringing phone that was on the desk next to me. I picked it up from the receiver.

"Hello, Acting DI Carter speaking."

"Guv, its PC Valentine."

"Roger, how can I be of assistance to you?"

"I have a Natalie Singer here asking to speak to you or PC Brown"

"Can you put her into the side room? I'll just get Millie and then we'll come down."

"Okay, Sir."

"Thanks Roger."

He put the phone down. I got out of my chair, picked up my phone and my keys before shutting the door and locking it. I turned the corner into the main CID area and saw Millie sitting at my old desk, the phone on Grace's desk rang so Millie got up and answered it "Hello, Sun Hill CID, Millie Brown speaking how can I help you?" she paused"Hi, Mrs Stubbs, what can I do for you?" she put it on speaker phone so that I could hear what was being said.

"I've had a letter from them; it came about 15 minutes ago."

"Ok, I'll ring Mel and ask her to come and see you, and then myself and DI Carter will be down to see you as soon as we finish with a lead we have. Is that okay?"

"Yes, its fine. Thanks."

"Okay, we'll see you soon."

"Thanks, goodbye."

Millie turned and looked at me. I walked over to her and drew her into my arms. As I held her close she nestled in against my chest. She remained glued to me, as if she was scared to let go.

"erm....Tally is in the front office"

"I guess we'd better go." We broke apart and made our way down the stairs towards the front office. We made our way to the side interview room. I opened the door and Millie followed me in.

"Maxy darling, it's so great to see you." Tally exclaimed as she ran towards me, taken by surprise she grabbed me for a hug.

"It's great to see you. Sorry I couldn't make it to the wedding. How is Vanessa?"

"She's great, I'm great, everything's great. Its two years now." I frowned as Tally said this

"Oh sorry Max, I didn't think."

"No Tally, it's totally fine you don't have to worry. I have to get over this sooner or later. I thought I might have seen you at Alek's funeral."

"My Mum died a week before the funeral; hers was on the same day. I had to cancel my plane ticket, I really wish that I had been there to say my goodbyes. Life's a bitch and I hate that we can't do anything about it. Anyway onto the problem at hand. You want information on Kelly Keats."

"Is there anything you can tell us about her plans once she left prison?"

"She was going to meet her boyfriend Josh and then meet up with Gregory John. Apparently she was going to make those who testified and got her sent down pay for it."

"Did she say anything else?"

"I overheard a conversation on the phone between her and someone else. She was talking about Smith and Wesson, the warehouse, she mentioned her release date and said it would be best for her 4 weeks after it. I think we both know what that means."

"I think we do. Thanks Tally." I turned to Millie "I think we'd better go tell the Super."

I knew than what the Super's decision would be. Someone was going to have to go undercover...... and I knew exactly who that person was going to be..... I glanced over at her and she smiled....... she didn't know what was coming but I did..... and I knew letting her go.... letting her do this was going to hurt..... I didn't know if I could withstand this but I knew that I had...... I knew that as soon as she heard about the undercover operation she'd want in..... and no one would be able to tell her otherwise..... I had to let her do this..... or risk pushing her away..... I need her...... and if letting her do this kept us together..... then I would have to let it happen.

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Thanks for the reviews!! All reviews are greatly appreciated!!

xx


	16. Undercover

**Disclaimer: Still dont own Max or The Bill although if i did i would make sure The Bill wasnt axed.**

**Millie's point of view**

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I was standing in the superintendant's office. All of this felt surreal, never in my wildest dreams could I ever imagine going undercover in such a big case. To be asked to do this over the CID girls was absolutely amazing. I felt so happy. Max had seemed rather reluctant since I'd been asked but nevertheless he kept saying her was okay with it, I knew better and could see that he was compromising. I was careful not to hurt his feelings however I kept on with the plan to go undercover. So here I was with the Super, Max, Smithy, Callum, Terry and my handler Stevie. I was going to be working in Gregory John's nightclub Karaoke Ugly as a bar maid. Luckily I used to work behind a bar when I went to university and I have plenty of experience. I went for an interview yesterday where he told me that the job is mine.

"Millie, we require you to gain Gregory John's trust, we need to know names, times, dates and places of these shipments but do not put yourself into unnecessary danger or be reckless when doing this. That way we can corner Keats and find out where Lucey is being kept, we know from the letter that we have one month to find Lucey before she is in serious danger. We have created you a fake record in the system in case he has any police contacts. You went to university and have a degree however your form for firearms has kept you from getting your dream job, you have a sister who is married, that's Stevie except she's married to Terry or should I say Gerry Perkins, save her number under Stevie Perkins. Change the surnames of any workmates in your phone as well. We can't leave any trace. Am I right in thinking you have worked in a bar before?"

"Yes, guv, I worked as an assistant manager of a bar when I was at university."

"So you have the relevant experience."

"I would say so sir, obviously Gregory John thinks I have what it takes."

"When do you start." asked Max, I knew his reasons for asking this were personal rather than professional.

"Tonight at 7pm."

"Meet Stevie tomorrow to give her an update on tonight. Dismissed." Everyone filed out of the superintendant's office, I made my way down to the staff change rooms where I got changed and made my way to my car, I put my bag onto the back seat and made my way to the front door I began to open it when my phone beeped. I pulled my phone out of my coat pocket and opened the message. _I'll meet you at yours in half an hour Max XX. _I looked up towards his office window and saw him standing looking down at me I smiled at him and got into my car. I arrived home and went into the kitchen where I poured myself a glass of wine. I decided to pick myself an outfit out for work tonight and made my way to my closet. I put the wine down on top of my drawers and searched through the closet, I pulled out a few maybe's and threw them onto the bed, I picked up my wine and took a sip, the buzzer on my flat went so I walked over to the receiver on the landing and picked it up, "It's me" came a familiar voice as I pressed the button which let him into the block of flats and up to my door which he had a key for, I kicked my shoes off as I made my way back to my bedroom, I picked up the black skinny jeans and decided that they were a definite, I was searching through the closet for a top when I felt a pair of strong arms wrap themselves around my waist and a head resting on my shoulder, I came across the silver sparkly halter neck, almost backless top I had been searching for. I hung them up before turning my attention to Max. He started tickling me as we fell back onto my soft beige carpet, he overpowered me easily and pinned me down, continuing to tickle me into hysteria.

"Do you submit?"

"N..n.n...nnnoooo"

"Are you sure?"

"Uhh-huh"

"Is that your final answer"

"Y...y.y..y..y..e...e...n....o...."

"What do you say?"

"I...I...I sub.....mit"

He kissed me hungrily, I arched my body so my face and my breasts were pushing up against him. He put his arms under my arched back and held me to him. And for the last time in what could be a few weeks we made love. I stood up and made my way to the shower. Max went to the kitchen where he put a few slices of toast into the toaster. I got out of the shower and put the Velcro rollers in my hair, I dried my hair before putting my make up on and the clothes I had picked out earlier, I put on a pair of peep toe shoe boots and made my way to the kitchen where I put my drained glass of wine into the dishwasher. I walked into the living room where Max was sitting and was shocked by his wide eyed stare.

"Does it look bad?"

"No....no...no... it looks quite the opposite......you look amazing Millie, you look beautiful. I think I should go now, just looking at you now is making me want to rip those close off and screw you right here right now however you going to your job tonight is fundamental to the investigation and stopping you from going will mean that the operation will be jeopardised and people will hate me."

"They already bloody hate you." i retorted under my breathe.

"Hey, I heard that." his face showed mock hurt.

"Yep, that was my intention." I smiled inncently.

"I think you forget that I'm your superior Millie, you shouldn't be disrespecting and undermining me. I could report you, you know" he feigned annoyance.

"Yeah, I guess the super would be interested in how I disrespect and undermine you when you're fucking me over your desk at work" I retaliated smirking.

"Millie, you are the most sarcastic, sweet, beautiful person I know and I love you." he smiled adoringly

"Aww Max thats sweet, you are the most brash, insensitive, arrogant man I have ever met, but you're my brash, insensitive, arrogant man and I love you." i smiled sweetly

He kissed me as he left my flat. Five minutes later the taxi tooted for me to come out so I grabbed my leather biker jacket. And made my way down the stairs and out of the flat before getting into the taxi. We pulled up outside Karaoke Ugly and I got out of the car I took a deep breath and entered the club.

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Thanks for the reviews, they are all greatly appreciated! Jess x x


	17. The Test

**Nope still dont own it nor have i won the triple rollover tonight :( if i had i would have saved The Bill!!**

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**Millies Point of View**

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**1 WEEK LATER**

"Oh my god! My feet are killing me!" I exclaimed.

"That's too bad." Replied Kelly Keats the manager of the bar.

"I'm just out of practice."

"Is this your first job behind a bar?"

"No, I used to be an assistant manager in a bar whilst I was at university."

"Oh, you went to university. What did you do?" she dug.

"Well I have a degree in Crime and Investigation, at the time I wanted to be a copper, except when I worked in that bar I saw how crime could pay, and I allowed myself to fall into it, now it's a way of life for me."

"How do you mean?" she probed.

"I have a long record, probably as long as this bar, I even did time for possession with intent, fraud and being in possession of a firearm, I cut a deal with the cops, at the time I was a real bitch, I didn't care who I hurt to get what I want, I was ruthless, so it ended up the bloke who was buying the guns paid us, got lifted and only got one of the ten guns he bought, so as soon as I got out I sold on the 9 that were already paid for, we got paid twice for them. I tried to live by the revenue I got from the sales but I couldn't manage, so I had to find a job and then this one came up, it was like fate. I love being able to socialise with people, and I love working behind the bar, I've loved the hustle and bustle of it since that first job at University."

"You don't look like the kind of person who's been on the wrong side of the law." She queried.

"I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks pregnant during my first few weeks in custody. It was what they called an 'incomplete miscarriage' apparently there was still some pregnancy tissue that remained and they had to remove it. They left scar tissue, it was a bit of a botch job. I have Asherman's Syndrome, the scar tissue, most of the time stops me getting pregnant, or if I get pregnant I tend to miscarry. I changed after that. I lost my ruthless streak, I stopped being a bitch because I was pushing people away and I now know that it is always going to be just me. I can't adopt with the record I have. My last boyfriend dumped me when he found out I may never be able to have kids. Now I'm trying my best to be someone who doesn't need to push people away." I replied honestly, well the part about the miscarriage and the Asherman's Syndrome was true.

"I can't have children either. I have PCOS or Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, I'm sure you've heard of it. I know what it's like to think you will always be on your own. You have time to find someone yet. I found Josh, and strangely enough he loves me for me." she replied earnestly

"At least you're happy though. Right?" I asked.

"Yes, but I still feel incomplete." She smiled sadly.

"Yeah? I don't think I will ever be able to feel complete. I thought I had all the time in the world for children."

A text alert beeped on my phone. I slid the phone up and saw that it was from Max Collins AKA Max Carter, _Is there any chance you can meet me when you finish your shift, I'm really missing you beautiful. Mxx. _To be honest I was really missing him to so I quickly replied. _Where? When? Mills xx_

I received his reply quite swiftly _I'm in the back alley of the club next door and then back to mine. Mxx _I smiled at my phone before getting my things sorted. I heard Gregory's phone ring, he nipped into the passage and returned, I overheard Kelly mumbling to him something like "Greg, she can help, she has form, she's done time, I think she can be an asset, she knows firearms, drugs and money and you said you needed someone who looked innocent, like they'd turned their life around, I think that person is her." Gregory turned to me. I was standing behind the bar, cleaning the rim of a glass.

"Amelie, I have a proposition for you, would you mind coming over here."

"Of course not." I replied to him.

"Amelie, myself and Kell have been discussing you and what you could offer to us, I have a big job going off on Thursday, I have shipment due, although its away from here at the seaside, I need someone to help Kell oversea it. I think that person may be you, you say you have experience from before you went to prison, I want you to show me on Thursday."

"Oh my god, I can't believe you're asking me to do this." I replied with a little bit of excitedness in my tone.

"Thank Kell, it's her that wants to give you a chance." Gregory's phone rang again and he made to answer it in his office. I was grabbing my things when he returned, phone in hand.

"Amelie, care to explain why a cop was hanging around outside." I tried to not give anything away with my face. I didn't know whether or not I was successful. I replied calmly.

"No, I haven't a clue, why ask me?"

"Because according to his phone he was texting a Millie, thought it might be you, what with your name being Amelie." He put the phone back to his ear. I heard the words ring it come from the headset, and I knew what was happening. My phone began to ring in my bag. I took it out, and dropped it on the table. Gregory walked over and picked it up, it read _Max calling_ I gulped back the saliva that was building up in my mouth.

"Amelie, I hope for your sake you aren't a cop to."

"I swear I aint. Max is someone who I sleep with, its casual."

"Max is a cop. I know him as DS Carter from Sun Hill."

"Max COLLINS" I corrected him "is a businessman who works in the city." I was surprised at how quick and easy the lies came to me.

"I'm still not sure whether or not to trust you. There is one way though."

"One way what?" I asked.

"To find out whether or not I can trust you. Follow me." he walked towards the back exit and led myself and Kell outside and into the alleyway, he led us next door to the eternity nightclub and into the manager's office. I was shocked by the site of a bruised and battered Max, he was bound and gagged and I managed to stop myself gasping loudly. I saw Gregory pick up a gun with a duster and walk over to me. He tapped me and made me face him. He passed me the gun which I took from him and whispered to me to tell me what to do "Prove to me you're not a copper and shoot the bastard. They'll never find his body and you won't do time for the waste of space that he is. If can't prove to me that you aint then I swear I will silence you both, not before having a little fun with you both first though." He sneered in a whisper. I turned to face Max and I knew that I had to take a chance, if I didn't then Lucey's chance of survival would be diminished and I wasn't going to let them have any doubts and I certainly wasn't going to give them reason to kill Lucey before our investigation time was up. I couldn't risk losing this only lead. I knew that Max would want me to do the same. He looked at me with eyes that egged me on. I could tell he wanted me to do this. I wondered if he knew something I didn't. I had two options, shoot at Max and hopefully miss or turn on them all and have Lucey's and probably Max's death on my conscience before Gregory killed me to. Max stared at me almost asking to be shot at. So in the heat of the moment as the adrenaline kicked in, I lifted the gun, aimed it at Max, I was pleased that I wasn't shaking and I took a few seconds as I reached for the trigger, I closed my eyes in anticipation of the loud bang, hoping I was going to miss. There was nothing else I could do so I squeezed the trigger.................

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Reveiws are appreciated! X X


	18. Epilogue

Sorry its been quite a while, but i've been busy with schoolwork and helping my mum care for for my Grandmother, its been a hectic month and a bit but unfortunately my Grandmother died on the 1st June. So i decided it was time to finish this story! i hope you like this ending. However my sequal is already up and is about Max's sister Molly who was mentioned briefly in the 'because you love me' chapter along with the chapter after that. Mallie will also have a major part in the story.

**Disclaimer: Cant believe its ending! but i'd be happy to own it! but as of yet i have been unsuccessful!**

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**Millie's Point of View**

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The guilt, sometimes it overpowers me sometimes it crushes me until I am reduced to dust, sometimes it squeezes me until I can't breathe anymore. I killed a man and a young girl. How can anyone defend the fact that they both died at my hands. I stand in front of the stone that tells me this girl was once part of this world I look at the stone next to it which tells me that the man was part of this world to. That man and that girl died because of me. I took their lives. I played God with both of their lives. What right did I have? She was a daughter, granddaughter, niece and friend, he was a son, nephew, brother, uncle...they were both people who were loved. Sometimes I lie in a cold, damp, empty bed and I cry. I cry myself to sleep. They are dead because of me, because of my actions on that fateful night. I go over it in my mind, thinking of what I could have done differently. But I know as long as I am not alone I can feel like PC Millie Brown again, the guilt can dry away so that it isn't there anymore. But then I am alone and it is more present than ever, drowning me in its depths, I try to keep my head above the water, try to save myself but I don't know how I can do it, I don't know how I can be PC Millie Brown the timid, kind police constable instead of Millie Brown the Killer. There's no defending me. I made the wrong choice, took the wrong actions, and it results in this, this emptiness. I turn around and I nod to the person standing way back from the gravestones. I take them in one last time '_Treasured Memories of Lucey Marie Stubbs, died May 18__th__ 2010 aged 16 Years, Loving daughter and Granddaughter, Sadly Missed_.' And I glanced at his beside hers _'In loving memory of Gregory John, died May 17__th__ 2010 aged 55 years, Loving Husband of Isabelle, Greatly Missed.' The _man with me puts his arms around me. I look up into his eyes.

"I love you Millie Brown!"

"I love you too Max Carter!"


End file.
